You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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