so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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