Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
