So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
