remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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