I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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