i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
