dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
