Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
We have started to decorate penises.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
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