i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Randomize
