she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Randomize
