When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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