Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
