can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
