is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
