Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
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