do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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