I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
