i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Randomize
