We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
