I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
