Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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