Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
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do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
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She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
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