im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
