You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
When did angry sex become our thing?
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
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