some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
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