you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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