I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
