also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
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