Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
