We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
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