so explain again why im purple
no
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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