new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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