best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
