Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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