my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Randomize
