Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
