I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
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