He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Randomize
