Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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