No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
