I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
