I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize
