there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
