Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
