oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
