One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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