now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
