We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
