i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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