Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
