My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
