____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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