thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Randomize
