I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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