My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
