She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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