My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Randomize
