Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
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