Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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