Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Randomize
