Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
