I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
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