she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Randomize
