i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
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