I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
