I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
