just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
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