you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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