You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
