i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
we have officially lost it.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
