Yo dont text me then not text me
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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