Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Randomize
