you thought your balls were fighting each other...
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
