My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
