I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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