Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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